What My Heart Wanted To Say
by Mrs Carmichael
Summary: TWOPARTER. Set after Phil’s departure. Sam realises that there were so many things that were left unsaid between her and Phil so she writes him a letter. Will he get it?
1. Interviews and Letters

**What My Heart Wanted To Say**

**Summary: ****TWO-PARTER. Set after Phil's departure. Sam realises that there were so many things that were left unsaid between her and Phil so she writes him a letter. Will he get it?**

Chapter 1- Interviews and Letters

It was the day after DS Phil Hunter's departure from Sun Hill. He'd left for a job at Specialist Crimes and it fell to DI Samantha Nixon to conduct the interviews for Phil's replacement. She had done a lot of thinking since his departure, about all the things that had been left unsaid. Sam knew that she'd been pretty hard on Phil over the past few months but that was all part of the job, she couldn't be seen to be demonstrating favouritism amongst her CID colleagues. Sam was interrupted from her thoughts when DCI Jack Meadows knocked on the office door and stepped inside, 'when are you starting the interviews for the new DS?' he asked.

Sam looked at her watch, 'in about half an hour,' she replied.

'They all seem like good candidates,'

_Probably not a patch on Phil though, _Sam thought. 'Yeah, I read through their files, they all seem up to the job,' she finally said.

Jack nodded as he left the office once more, leaving Sam alone with her thoughts again. She realised that she had to do something; Phil's departure simply couldn't be end for them. There were so many things that she'd never told Phil, one thing in particular…

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The morning went pretty slowly for Sam. Although the candidates she'd interviewed were good, she didn't feel as though any of them could fill Phil's shoes and Sam didn't think either of them would fit in well with the rest of CID. Sam had another two possible candidates to interview after lunch. She went upstairs to Jack's office door and knocked on the door, 'come in!' he called.

Sam opened the door and stepped into the office. 'Guv, I've just finished the first two interviews for the new DS,' she said.

'How did they go?' Jack asked.

'Non-starters,'

'Why do you say that?'

'I just don't think they'd got on with the rest of CID,'

'How many more candidates have you got to interview?'

'Another two after lunch,'

'Let me know what happens,' Jack said.

'Guv,' Sam replied as she stood up and left the office.

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Sam finished the interviews for the new DS later that afternoon. She knocked on Jack's office door for the second time that day. 'Come in!' Jack called.

Sam opened the door and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. 'I think I've found our new DS,' she said.

'Which one?' Jack asked.

'Laura Woodgate. She's got a pretty impressive track record and I think she'll fit in well with the rest of CID,'

'OK then, we'll announce it to the relief after we've notified the other candidates,'

'Guv,' Sam said as she stood up and left the office.

Sam went back to her office and sat down behind her desk. Neil was away on holiday so Sam was on her own. She'd found Phil's replacement but no matter what, there was no way, in Sam's mind, that Laura could ever fill the void left by Phil. There she was again, thinking about Phil. Sam sighed to herself and opened her desk drawer, taking out some of the paperwork that she'd left the night before.

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Sam finished work at about 7 that evening. She stopped off at a Chinese takeaway on her way home to get something to eat. Sam pulled the car up in her driveway soon afterwards and she went into the house. Sam had her Chinese and sat down in the living room, pen and paper in hand. She had spent all day thinking things through; she needed to set the record straight. Sam put pen to paper and began to write…

Half an hour later, Sam sealed the letter in an envelope and wrote Phil's name on the front. She left the living room, with the letter in her hand and left the house. Sam got into her car and reversed out of her drive before heading off in the direction of Phil's house.

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Phil was sat on the sofa in his living room with a bottle of beer in his hand, watching a football match on the TV. He also had a Chinese takeaway laid out on the coffee table in front of him. Phil reached out for the rice as he heard the letterbox open and something fall onto the mat. He put the rice and the beer down before getting up off the sofa. He went over to the door and knelt down to pick up the letter that Sam had put through the door. Phil picked the letter up and propped it up against the telephone. He walked back into the living and looked the TV, the players were celebrating, they'd just scored a goal, 'I don't believe it,' Phil muttered.

About an hour later, the match finished and Phil went upstairs to bed, leaving Sam's letter by the telephone…

**Oooh, so will Phil read the letter and if he does, what will he do about it? If you want to know the outcome, you know what to do ;) 4reviews before I post the final part, luv ya all Gemz xx**


	2. The Meaning of Love

**Hey guys, here's the final part for you. Thankx to Laura (****SaMaNdPhiL4eVeR), Laura (chicken160688), Pip, Ella, Laura (S-Nixon), SP-always, Ruth, Sam, Leanne and Gem for reviewing. Luv ya all Gemz xxx**

Chapter 2- The Meaning of Love

Sam woke up at about 7 the next morning. She'd spent most of the previous night thinking about Phil. Had he read the letter? Sam didn't know, she was glad that she'd got everything off her chest. Even if Phil didn't read the letter, Sam felt a lot better for writing it. She got up and began to get ready for work.

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Phil woke up at 9 that morning. He wasn't due to start at Specialist Crimes for another couple of days. Phil suddenly remembered the letter that came through the door; curiosity got the better of him as he put on a pair of trousers and went downstairs.

Phil picked up the letter and looked at the front, he recognised that writing. He was certain that it was Sam's. He thought it was a bit strange, why send him a letter when she could either call or text him? Phil went through to the living room and sat down on the sofa. He turned over the envelope and ripped it open. He unfolded the piece of paper inside and began to read:

_Phil,_

_I think there's a few things I need to say. Now we're not working together anymore, it just seems easier to write these things down on paper, I don't know how you'd have reacted if I ever told you any of these things in here._

_I'm sorry I've been such a cow towards you, since I became DI. I knew that I was jeopardising our friendship by acting like that but I thought that was the easy option, masking my true feelings for you._

Phil read the first couple of paragraphs. He was so intrigued, he continued to read.

_We've been through so much together Phil and I don't want this to be the end for us, for our friendship. You stood by me when no-one else would. You were there for me when Abi got abducted, my shoulder to cry on. I guess you were only repaying the favour because I saved you from getting killed by Weaver in those tunnels._

Phil smiled wryly to himself. _You saved my career_, Phil thought, _I wasn't going to forget that in a hurry. _

_We finally got it together while we were out in Romania. One of the biggest mistakes I made was dumping you. It's ironic really, I dumped Stuart because he wouldn't commit fully to me and when you showed signs of wanting to commit, I got scared and again, took the easy option, finished things. I guess what I'm trying to say is… I love you Phil and I wish that I'd had the guts to tell you sooner. But now, it's too late._

_Just remember Phil, you'll always have a special place in my heart._

_My love always, Sam xx_

Phil finished reading the letter and guilt overpowered him. He felt guilty for leaving Sam behind. Phil immediately shot off upstairs and began to get dressed.

Half an hour later, Phil came downstairs fully dressed and picked up his car keys. He locked the house behind him before getting into his car, driving off in the direction of Sun Hill.

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Jack entered Sam's office, 'I've notified all the other candidates, shall we announce it to the rest of CID?' he asked.

'Yeah, come on then,' Sam replied as she stood up and followed Jack out of the office.

Sam and Jack entered the briefing room where all of CID was congregated. He cleared his throat and everyone fell silent. 'As you all know,' Jack started. 'DI Nixon has been conducting the interviews for the new DS; I'm pleased to say we've found Phil's replacement,'

'Yes I have, DS Laura Woodgate will be joining Sun Hill CID as of tomorrow,' Sam added.

The chattering began to start up again. 'Right that's it for now, off you go,' Jack said.

The members of CID began to file out of the briefing room, talking about Phil's replacement.

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Phil's car pulled up outside the station. He went into the front office and saw Will Fletcher on the front desk, 'back already sarge?' he smirked.

'You know I'm not, is Sam here?' Phil asked.

'Yeah she is,'

'Can you tell her I'm here?'

Will nodded as he picked up the phone and rang Sam's office line.

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Sam re-entered her office and sat down behind her desk. She was just about to start on her paperwork when the phone rang. Sam picked the phone, 'DI Nixon,' she said.

Sam listened to what Will was telling her, 'is he? OK, tell him I'll be down in a minute,' she said as she put the phone down.

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'She says she'll be down in a minute,' Will said to Phil.

'Thanks Will,' Phil replied.

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Sam couldn't believe what she'd just heard. She stood up again and left her office and then the CID office. She descended the stairs and as she reached the bottom, she saw Phil stood in the front office. She opened the door and Phil turned around, he smiled at her. 'I read your letter Sam,' Phil said.

'Did you?' Sam asked.

Phil nodded, Sam opened the door to the front interview room and they both went inside. 'I need to know Sam,' Phil said once Sam had closed the door. 'Did you mean everything that you said in that letter?'

'I wouldn't have written it if I didn't mean it,' Sam replied.

'Do you still love me Sam?'

Sam met his eyes and smiled at him, 'yeah, I do Phil,' she said.

'Do you wanna give it a second chance?'

'Yes, I do,'

Phil smiled at Sam and leant downwards to kiss her. Smiling, she kissed him back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Phil deepened the kiss and his tongue entered Sam's mouth. They pulled away, gazing into each other's eyes. 'We'll take this slowly, yeah?' Sam said.

Phil nodded, 'I love you Sam,' he said.

'I love you too Phil,' Sam replied.

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